Bride On Fire
Prophetic Word From Lana Vawser (Perry)

Dear Jesus .. Help me hold on .. help me embrace it!

Yesterday is His-story
Tomorrow is a My-story
Today is a Gift
Which is Why it is Called
The PRESENT

For my King this glass shoe fits!

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to meet royalty? To look over in admiration as you watch her expressions and wonder what she will say? How delicate and effortless would her gestures be? What jewelry did she chose to adorn her fair silky skin with? Is the fragrance you smell rare myrh?

In the past three years I went through a very painful divorce and I have had a long time of being alone and having time to wonder about a lot of things. Time to wonder about my worth as a woman. I had this amazing dream that has changed my life and words poured into this woman's shattered heart. It was a dream about a King who extended his scepter to me ...requesting that I come into his presence. Here I was in my own little corner in my own little place once again confronted with the void. Confronted with this empty room. Confronted with why I am alone and why I feel I cannot move on.

These walls that suggest home …a quietness that was quick to remind me when I look through the veil of darkness my eyelids provide and listen to the stillness of this home …the betrayal and neglect of a man and why I was left with my own thoughts. Why I was left with my own strength? Left to determine my reality that cannot be compared to the dreams I hold on tightly to… in the deepest part of me. I am locked away out of sight of anyone who would elevate me, who would defend me, who would rescue me. Sincerely and with the love my King has placed in me his daughter. "The daughter of the King of Kings." I sat quietly with my eyes closed I entered into his chambers. He told me that the fragrance he poured over me and the garments that he clothed me with… even the mantle he places on me … all of this is for a King. He told me because I was his daughter … I am royalty. One day I was at this Gazebo right off the water. I had my classical music playing softly through my earphones. I must of drawn more air in my lungs that day then I had in a life time because all my senses were delighting in my surroundings. I was certain the two swans that flew and landed in the water was for me. That my King was showing off and in his display the sunlight danced on the water like thousands of diamonds. It was breath taking. Weeks before I had come to this gazebo for the first time as a place of refuge. I was very upset and I was crying out to God. I pleaded with him please God don't let this world be the one to define me. You define me Jesus. You tell me who I am to you. Just as I said that I looked down and in the dirt and grass was a little rubber word that said princess.

I sat in that gazebo crying. Remembering the words he told me that I was his daughter… royalty. I was determined to stay there till I believed it. Well here I was again. Sitting at this Gazebo and trying to grasp onto the idea of me being a princess. It was easier to believe it as I saw my King lay out his treasures in front of me. Diamonds that reflected the light & glory of a God. A display that embraced me and loved me right where I was at. Right before getting to the Gazebo that day I bought a book by Angela Thomas called, "Do you think I'm beautiful?" When I was purchasing the book a man smiled at me and said yes. I looked over and said, "excuse me?" He said, "yes I think you're beautiful." I blushed and I realized how silly it must look buying a book with such a title. The title drew me in for a closer look. But the back of the book was what carried it to the check out stand for purchase. It reads …Little girls know about Cinderella – about her breathtaking beauty, about Prince charming, about a magical destiny called "Happily ever after." And inside every woman is a little girl who secretly aches for a fairy Godmother to wave a wand and transform her into the princess she has always longed to be. To make her beautiful, captivating, Adored. But we've learned the fairy tales are not real, and so we squelch our precious gifts of longing and desire. We stop dressing up or anticipating the ball, deciding its better to stay home than to hope again and be disappointed. Besides, being asked to dance is not that important anyway. Oh but it is! In "Do you think I'm beautiful?" Angela Thomas invites you to awaken your passion and glimpse your deepest desires. To voice your longing to be loved with an ultimate love. And to fall into the embrace of the One who asks you to dance. I came home that night feeling and believing myself to be royalty. I went to the back of the closet and pulled out a dress I spent a fortune on for a fancy fund raiser years ago. Let's just say this dress is fit for a queen. It is a form fitting golden dress that flows to the floor. I lit candles, turned on my favorite song called, "I want to be your sanctuary." I dolled up my make up and pulled up my hair and danced for my God. When I stood in front of the mirror it was breath taking and not hard at all to see royalty looking back at me. I started to smile… even giggled and laughed. I even cried. Now I do not know the scriptures as well as I would like to but over and over I heard in my mind Psalm 45. I looked it up and as I read I could barely see because the tears kept coming …and so I end my short story with the scriptures and with the question, Have you ever wondered what it might be like to meet royalty? To look over in admiration as you watch her expressions and wonder what she will say? Well as you enter into this space, and roam pictures of me … Your looking at royalty and my heart is stirred by a noble theme! Psalm 45 1 My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.2 You are the most excellent of men and your lips have been anointed with grace, since God has blessed you forever.  3 Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one; clothe yourself with splendor and majesty. 4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness; let your right hand display awesome deeds.5 Let your sharp arrows pierce the hearts of the king's enemies; let the nations fall beneath your feet.6 Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever; a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom.7 You love righteousness and hate wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy.8 All your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia; from palaces adorned with ivory the music of the strings makes you glad.

9 Daughters of kings are among your honored women; at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir.10 Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house.11 The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.12 The Daughter of Tyre will come with a gift, men of wealth will seek your favor.13 All glorious is the princess within her chamber ; her gown is interwoven with gold.14 In embroidered garments she is led to the king; her virgin companions follow her and are brought to you.15 They are led in with joy and gladness; they enter the palace of the king.16 Your sons will take the place of your fathers; you will make them princes throughout the land.17 I will perpetuate your memory through all generations; therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever.

 For my King

this glass shoe fits!

I WANT MY GLASS SLIPPER BACK!

I was sitting here thinking (as I always do) and Cinderella came into my mind. I'm not one into looking for Prince Charming but I must focus on this particular sister here and that glass slipper. You know how I have to bring it to reality.

You know Cinderella was the outcast of the family even though in reality she was the true heir to what her father had. At her lowest point, a fairy godmother came and granted her a desire to go to the palace ball to meet Prince Charming, but at an appointed time she had to leave because life was going to return to normal.

 Well we know the story, the ball, the dance, the clock, the running…and..

The lost of the glass slipper. Cinderella lost the slipper but the Prince found it. He was on a mission to find the woman whose foot fit that slipper. Not one woman could fit it except the least of the women in the country. The poor, hidden Cinderella, whom we later see became the Queen.

Her dreams finally was fulfilled.

Well LIVI that was cute..but what is your point…You ask? Its ok im used to questions.

I want you to know that many times the enemy wants us to think that life has passed us by. We are mistreated by love ones in relationships and its like we left in ashes. Our hearts ache and we lose hope. Everyone else around us is enjoying life and we rightly deserve to as well. WELL YOU DO HAVE A RIGHT!

Your Master and Father left you an inheritance and its yours. In that inheritance is your ministry, your calling, your family, your mate! HELLO YOUR MATE! The enemy will try all  he can to keep you both apart because he wants you to be lonely and hidden away from the world. GOD did not put us here to be miserable and alone. That's a lie from hell. Even animals have mates. SO please unless you called to celibacy. We designed to have a companion and nothing wrong with desiring one.

Well God will send people on your path believe it or not that will prepare you for that special person, NOPE they wont come and say..HEY IM IN YOUR LIFE SO YOU CAN MEET YOUR MAN/WOMAN, but GOD has a divine plan set that the purpose in of that person in you life will prepare you for the divine meeting. Ask Esther and Ruth. They weren't looking but they were found, by being in place and connected to the right people to put them on to their path of destiny. AMEN!

Well all these things happen in a season of time. God's time.  We may one day be at the "ball" and it seems life is going well, we finally have our time and then BOOM!! TICK TOCK! The clock strikes and life comes tumbling down again. Maybe a relationship sour, maybe things didn't work out in the right season. You run away thinking you have lost it all. You feel you lost part of yourself..that "glass slipper".

But let me tell you something my brothers and sisters. Cinderella lost one slipper but the other was on her foot. So you may think you lost it all, but you have not. You have not lost your heart to anyone. You have not lost your identity. The thing that you feel is your breaking is your making.

YOUR BREAKING IS YOUR MAKING. The very thing that you feel you have lost will be what that person may use to find you..HOLLA SOMEBODY!

Your heart will be what leds that person to you..Why and how is that? Whats in the heart comes out and defines who you are. If you have a heart that seeks to please GOD, regardless if part of that was left on JONES STREET with MR X. you still have a heart. You see my point. You never lose it all. Who you are will draw that special person to you.

Can't no other woman or man fit the bill that GOD has imparted in that special person in seeking you out. Stop thinking someone else will get them..How if GOD has put "You" in their spirit? THE SHOE NOT GONNA FIT!

Now they may try all the others (pray not many) Im saying, they may be involved with SALLY SUE or JOE KOOL, but they don't fit the bill, don't you know that person designed for you..will find you?? You will know them as well…IF..if.

IF YOU WALKING IN THE WILL OF GOD! I gotta go there..now if you suppose to be at STREET Z and GOD told you that and you all over at STREET A then you may miss out for good or set your own self up. You see my point. Stay on the path GOD HAS for you..HE is the MAKER of the road map, glass slipper or whatever that will led to you.

ITS NOT GOD  holding us up from happiness, its about being in place to receive whom He has for us. WE THE ONES..NOT HIM.

Cinderella had already cleaned house..There goes some revelation right there..BE CLEANING YOUR HOUSE UP….get the junk out…GOD aint sending no TRASH MAN or GARBAGE WOMAN to clean your emotional, spiritual, physical mess. HE/SHE is of the ROYAL PRIESTHOOD!

LADIES gotta talk to my girls WHEN THE PRINCE COMES KNOCKING. IS YOUR HOUSE GOING TO BE CLEAN?.

IF SO….GET READY..cuz SOME SHOES READY BE PUT ON THE RIGHT FOOT!

GET READY!! GET READY!! DESTINY IS COMING TO THE DOOR!

 For my King

this glass shoe fits!

Beauty in pain?

        Reposted from sisters myspace ... Lisa wrote             

As I have scrolled through the pages of the internet, I hear and see the reality of people and the painful things in life. You dont  have to look far to find comments, some subtle, some very blantant. I landed on the top blog story of a baby boy Kayleb fighting for his life due to shaking baby syndrome. The Mother has chosen to share the daily journey as onlookers can see this families journey of pain.

As I close this day and head up to bed, the pictures and  the words have left me with this question, Can I see the beauty in this Mothers pain? What will others see in me as I walk through my journey of pain? Can I find beauty in the midst of my pain? My thoughts went to a day when...I was praying over a situation that brought great sorrow and grief , then I heard these words.... Lisa, broken hearts bring brokenness, wounded hearts bring wounds, will you stay in this broken and wounded journey or will you let me heal your broken and wounded heart. Huhhh????  was my response, because I knew my Heavenly Father was speaking to me, reminding me of "His Ability" to bring healing to this situation in my heart, but I wanted validation! I wanted to defend my rights! The oxy moron however was "what I wanted" He was bringing to me (healing and wholeness), but my ways were taking it away from me. I knew He was saying, don't try to do this on your own, invite me in, sooooooo....I was challenged to once again trust Jesus with the broken pieces of my heart and a gentle warning that my broken and wounded heart would bring brokenness and wounds to those around me if left unchecked. My hope and prayer is that the beauty will not be hidden behind the pain bringing brokenness or woundedness into the lives of others and an answer to this question will be revealed, "Will My Broken Heart Ever Be Whole Again?"

For every beauty there

is an eye to see it

Matthew 23:25-26 "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

"For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven. Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire." (Matthew 5:20-22)

The Pharisees wanted to go through the motions of being religious, but Jesus said it's not the external things that are important, it's what's inside that counts.

The Pharisees were masters of creating a good-looking exterior, but inside they were dead. If you went to church with them, they would attend church every Sunday, arrive on time, carry their Bibles, and probably all tithe. None would ever swear, drink or commit adultery. Yet all would go straight to hell.

In the verses above, Jesus said that your righteousness must be greater than the Pharisees'. It can't be just on the outside; your righteousness must also be on the inside. You have to have a clean heart, not just a clean shirt.

A man is not a sinner because he sins. He sins because he's a sinner. A man isn't a liar because he lies. He lies because he's a liar. Our actions come from our hearts. That's the reason Christ said our righteousness has to exceed that of the Pharisees.

Jesus is shattering the self righteousness of these people and He's going to show them their need of Him and their need of regeneration. He uses the illustration of murder to demonstrate His point.

Malice as Murder


Jesus said, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill: and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment" (Matthew 5:21). The Ten Commandments tell us not to kill. The words can actually be translated, "You shall do no murder."

According to God's Word, there are certainly times when killing things is acceptable. For example, the killing of animals is not forbidden. Although some claim that killing any animal is wrong, the Law itself called for sacrificing animals on an altar.

The Bible also does not forbid capital punishment. Exodus 21:12 reads, "He that smiteth a man, so that he die, he shall surely be put to death." You can see it plainly states if you kill someone, you have committed a crime worthy of death. The Bible also does not forbid killing someone to protect your family. Exodus 22 explicitly states that killing a thief trying to break into your home is not a sin. You have an obligation to protect your loved ones.

What the Bible says is that it is a sin to commit murder - to take another life without just cause.

But Jesus went on to speak of the murder of malice, the acid of anger. "But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council; but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire" (Matthew 5:22).

Here the Lord destroys their illusion of righteousness. The Pharisees were sure they were not guilty of murder, but they failed to see that their hearts were filled with malice. The attitude of murder is as destructive as the action. It's what causes people to kill. Hatred is an acid that destroys its container.

He warns against saying, "Raca," an untranslatable Aramaic word of contempt. It was used as a term of racial prejudice and means the other person has no value. Someone who sees no value in others is on a par with a murderer.

Our Lord goes on to say that anyone who calls another a fool is in danger of hell fire. He isn't talking about saying someone is foolish but of having such a superior attitude that everyone else is a fool.

It also says in I John 3:15, "Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer." Be very wary of allowing hate to creep into your life. It will destroy your life and bring judgment.

Anger as Murder


Jesus relates to the Pharisees that they are in danger merely by being angry with their brother without cause.

You may ask yourself, is all anger wrong? Of course not. Ephesians 4:26 says that we can be angry and sin not. Righteous anger, the sort of anger the Lord had when He drove the money-changers from the temple, protects the good name of God. But most anger isn't righteous.

We can be angry at sin, but we are never to allow anger to become sin. Paul explains the progression of anger in Ephesians 4:31:

First, there is bitterness, a feeling of resentment that settles in your heart when you feel someone did you wrong. The natural consequence of bitterness is wrath, which comes from the Greek word meaning "to burn." Bitterness leads to a slow burn, the heat that comes from focusing on your bitterness. Those filthy rags of bitterness slowly catch fire, like a spontaneous combustion of your soul. The next word Paul uses is anger. When somebody opens the closet door on those smoldering rags, the oxygen creates the right environment for them to burst into flame. That's what anger is like. Something happens which causes your slow burn to burst into an angry fire. When people get angry, it's as though they were on fire. They fly off the handle, throw things, slam doors, and pound fists.
But the devil isn't finished with that angry person. After anger comes clamor, which literally means loud talking. Once angry, you raise your voice. You start shouting things, getting louder by the minute.
The next phrase Paul uses in his description is "evil speaking." Once you've started shouting, you'll say wicked, hateful things. You'll tell your spouse you wish you'd never married them, or you tell a child he'll never amount to anything. And the devil watches with glee as you allow your anger to control your life.

Finally, Paul uses malice to describe this progression, which means to do something evil toward someone. Malice is what leads to murder. After you've said something evil to someone, you have a desire to strike out at them and hurt them. The root of murder can be found in bitterness. And the saddest part is that bitterness doesn't just hurt those you are mad at. Bitterness hurts you. It destroys your life. Jesus warned that anger in your life is tantamount to murder. They have the same root cause and the same effect on the person.

It's What's Inside That Counts


No one can "behave their way" into heaven. You can never be good enough or have enough righteousness in your life to be acceptable to God. You're a sinner. If you weren't, Christ would not have had to come. You see, self-righteousness in the eyes of God is filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). Real righteousness is that which is imputed to us by God.

When Jesus died on the cross, He paid the debt for your sin. In that act, He imputed His righteousness to you. God credits Christ's righteousness to your account. You don't deserve it. It's not because of anything you did. It's by God's grace. He also implanted righteousness, for at salvation God gives you a new nature. You've been made new and clean. The penalty has been paid.


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A few days ago I posted a blog and mentioned I made a few important decisions. Today titled "about that decision..." is a bulletin. Don't know what to do with this but cry. I need you God right now ..my heart is being ripped apart by people I have trusted. The reasons I made the decision I did is because I read 1 Corinthians 13:7 and came to realize what is going on ..has been going on .. is not love ....

Decisions are easy if you follow love...

If you follow love... He is love... and you cannot fail.

Love does no wrong to one's neighbor [it never hurts anybody]. Therefore love meets all the requirements and is the fulfilling of the Law.  Romans 13:10 (AMP)

reposted by music is the balm

I dont know much but I know I love you God! I don't know much but I choose to follow your love!

On a winter's morning in 2007, the cold mist lifted off the ground as I sit here enjoying the view from my window. Morning has arrived and as the first light peeks through I smile and say good morning God. I sip my coffee and say I am ready to labor on the works you would have me do. I am having problems with my van again so I went out side to see if it was going to start for me and as my lungs are filled with the morning air I scan the view of the farm land that is surrounded by trees. Van won't start … so back into the house I go … climbing into my bed. Picking up my empty coffee cup…. With a smile on my face and from all the sincerity my heart can muster ..I say to God … In this time of need … I am without many things I thought I would require .. but I am not without you Jesus. I am an empty cup … fill me on this day. Take control of my circumstances.

I read and I think on the Story found in Genesis 29. Starring in this dramatic presentation is Jacob, Leah and Rachel and their father Laban. Jacob working seven years for a man just so that he might have beautiful Rachel. But after the long wait and the hard work Jacob is tricked and it is Leah who ends up in his married bed. We brush over that story reading the story of what a man would do for love and how he was willing to work another seven years for Rachel that he might finally have her. Yet my heart scans more then the obvious story. My hearts attention was taken by a glance of a woman looking out her window. Looking out at her husband working hard and late nights. Can you imagine knowing all that hard work was not for your family, not for you but in fact all he did and all he longed for was Rachel. Oh how every sound of his footsteps would pulverize her heart. Reminded daily by his neglect was her heart and her desires. Every time the door would open and shut it would open and shut on her hope that she would some day be adored. What about the value shown by her father?  Betrayed by her father and the object of trickery, selfishness and greed. Her betrothal to hopeless situation that meant for her never seeing the longing for her in a man's eyes…ouch.

The one thing that I am sure of is Leah may not have been what this world perceived as beautiful but God wanted to use her in a mighty way. Her strength was found in her betrayals. I know that Leah had struggles and she did not have strong childhood affirmation but in the midst of her dysfunction she developed a functional relationship with God. Entangled with the same kind of a man for a husband that she had for a father. A magnet draws metal, as we so often draw similar circumstances into our lives. Thanks be to God he knows how to make the negatives turn into positives. God knows us well and He knows how to bring us to a state of security where we cease to be so dependent on others and their affirmation. Leah birthed sons for Jacobs approval. Finally as she bore her fourth she started to realize and refocus on the true giver of life and the healer of hearts. Instead of seeking out her kin's favor in verse 35 she says, "Now will I praise the Lord."

This scripture made me think of a word that God spoke to me a year back … until now I have not shared this believing I was not to … Again climb up in my daddy's lap and listen to him read my-story. The Author and Perfector of my faith.

When you stand and even though there is no footing, yet you still believe and take your position!

August 30^th 2006

 My question dear daughter is why freedom? Why would I request you to sacrifice pleasure, personal comfort or your right to? Why would I use you to prove to onlookers what one person acting with God can do? Why would I bring others to surround you in prophetic prayer, song and prophetic voice? Why do I give you dreams and visions? Why acts of repentance on display? Reconcilliation on stage seen by many? Oppression raised and demonstrated? Why do I allow many to trip over their own words and verbally jaunt their way through man's thinking and man's simplistic understanding. Why a delighted mental vision that takes a journey to an abrupt judgement and left despondant? Why did a tour of such passion place you in the center of a hopeless down cast Ellie? Why?

Shall I be accused my daughter of abandoning you? Abandoning my children? Shall my ears hear once again repeated questions and arrogant statements of what I will or will not do?

Psalm 69

For the director of music. To the tune of "Lilies." Of David.

 1 Save me, O God,
       for the waters have come up to my neck.

 2 I sink in the miry depths,
       where there is no foothold.
       I have come into the deep waters;
       the floods engulf me.

 3 I am worn out calling for help;
       my throat is parched.
       My eyes fail,
       looking for my God.

 4 Those who hate me without reason
       outnumber the hairs of my head;
       many are my enemies without cause,
       those who seek to destroy me.
       I am forced to restore
       what I did not steal.

 5 You know my folly, O God;
       my guilt is not hidden from you.

 6 May those who hope in you
       not be disgraced because of me,
       O Lord, the LORD Almighty;
       may those who seek you
       not be put to shame because of me,
       O God of Israel.

 7 For I endure scorn for your sake,
       and shame covers my face.

 8 I am a stranger to my brothers,
       an alien to my own mother's sons;

 9 for zeal for your house consumes me,
       and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.

 10 When I weep and fast,
       I must endure scorn;

 11 when I put on sackcloth,
       people make sport of me.

 12 Those who sit at the gate mock me,
       and I am the song of the drunkards.

 13 But I pray to you, O LORD,
       in the time of your favor;
       in your great love, O God,
       answer me with your sure salvation.

 14 Rescue me from the mire,
       do not let me sink;
       deliver me from those who hate me,
       from the deep waters.

 15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
       or the depths swallow me up
       or the pit close its mouth over me.

 16 Answer me, O LORD, out of the goodness of your love;
       in your great mercy turn to me.

 17 Do not hide your face from your servant;
       answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.

 18 Come near and rescue me;
       redeem me because of my foes.

 19 You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed;
       all my enemies are before you.

 20 Scorn has broken my heart
       and has left me helpless;
       I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
       for comforters, but I found none.

 21 They put gall in my food
       and gave me vinegar for my thirst.

 22 May the table set before them become a snare;
       may it become retribution and ^[a] a trap.

 23 May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see,
       and their backs be bent forever.

 24 Pour out your wrath on them;
       let your fierce anger overtake them.

 25 May their place be deserted;
       let there be no one to dwell in their tents.

 26 For they persecute those you wound
       and talk about the pain of those you hurt.

 27 Charge them with crime upon crime;
       do not let them share in your salvation.

 28 May they be blotted out of the book of life
       and not be listed with the righteous.

 29 I am in pain and distress;
       may your salvation, O God, protect me.

 30 I will praise God's name in song
       and glorify him with thanksgiving.

 31 This will please the LORD more than an ox,
       more than a bull with its horns and hoofs.

 32 The poor will see and be glad—
       you who seek God, may your hearts live!

 33 The LORD hears the needy
       and does not despise his captive people.

 34 Let heaven and earth praise him,
       the seas and all that move in them,

 35 for God will save Zion
       and rebuild the cities of Judah.
       Then people will settle there and possess it;

 36 the children of his servants will inherit it,
       and those who love his name will dwell there.

 I breathe life into you. I knowing all of you and still I am delighted and enamored by you daughter. The air, the water, the sunlight sparkle like diamonds and is put on display and your response is ….. I make you a promise and give to you hope and a new way of thinking and yet your response is … I bring you a fragrance of such a promise from heaven. I continue to pour into you My love and My heart for my daughter. Faithfullness is exhibited for you and your response is ….Joy and gladness is being extended to you and direction is being mapped out for you. Promises fulfilled for you. I bring you freedom and deliverance and present you with a gift that soon you will unwrap. I even send you a warning of an oncoming storm and your response is …

Psalm 70

For the director of music. Of David. A petition.

 1 Hasten, O God, to save me;
       O LORD, come quickly to help me.

 2 May those who seek my life
       be put to shame and confusion;
       may all who desire my ruin
       be turned back in disgrace.

 3 May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
       turn back because of their shame.

 4 But may all who seek you
       rejoice and be glad in you;
       may those who love your salvation always say,
       "Let God be exalted!"

 5 Yet I am poor and needy;
       come quickly to me, O God.
       You are my help and my deliverer;
       O LORD, do not delay.

As such a time as this the days will blend such ingredients and such flavor that everyone will notice the fragrance of what it is I am doing. Significant days, moments, emotions poured into to add to its glorified flavor. The colors of emotional memories standing out obvious as the blue sky is above you. Engagements embraced and pointed out as worthy and to be noted and given by a God who adores you.  A dance of emotions, anger, sadness, love. Responses good and bad shadowed by a blinding light. Igniting the passion and delighting in what will come soon. Very soon. Motivating you to do things that make no sense to any man yet advancing the Kingdom by My ways in My days. I call you to enter into the chambers of my heart and I say unto you daughter I am the very thing that brings the power and endurance to run this race. No one else … and if left to man …any man your nature their nature will stop you from doing what I call out. What I call out is your strong voice and in this silence you have found no selfish reasons yet the stirring of such fragrance that will bring a loud outcry of my heart. The shutting down of power, even you not being sure of yourself will not quench this fire. The perfect diamond and the uniqueness of my sweet Ellen and the energy that will not falter because I am the current behind it.

In these things you have authority and you must not relinquish this for any reason to any person. Snowflakes falling as if in a dramatic scene exploding on the screen … to say it is no small thing I do in you daughter. That I do for you. Step by step I will carry you and I will point out what is worthy to point out. Your soul Ellen does it not magnify your Lord? Does it not embrace and do as I would have you do? Do I not reveal such a love that encompasses all of you and leaves you not to your own human weakness and wrong thinking? Did I not tell you how to pray … "lead us, guide us, remind us, comfort us" and after telling you how to pray … thy kingdom comes and My will has been done! Over and over I have told you the love I have for you. I have proven what I do in you without your understanding. I told you that you are not home yet but in this sweet promise is I will get you there.

Kingdom of God thinking and acting. Shifts that make you want to fear the change but what I do will help you to embrace it. I am calling it the Kingdom alignment as Esther's footprints down the red carpet was aligned. Her bow aligned. Her words aligned with a heavenly Kingdom. She prospered in such a time as this. In the lining of her most valued gown is what I stitch into you Ellen and clothe you with. It is no small thing I do and it is time to do and be. Rest in me. Abide in me. I have only but good for you sweet daughter. When you find no hope with in am I not your faithful one. When you stand even though there is no footing yet you still believe and take your position!

Thy kingdom come and thy will be done!

Now that you God have thoroughly convinced me that I am a daughter of a King I can arise by your power without hesitation. Such liberties that the enemy would love to steal from me. Many days and nights I have cried out of frustration, fear and sometimes being tormented by the reality of some of my life's circumstances. I wrapped myself in my blanket and walk over to the window and while viewing the morning scene. Through the mist of a van that won't start, family dynamics, the worry that comes every time my children are with their dad. Are they ok? Are they being supervised, understood , listened to. Through the waiting and all that that has entailed. I ask God, is this not a representation of moving from imprisonment to empowerment. Why does it seem that at forty one years old I am just now starting to understand liberty as it pertains to me. I know it would have helped if I had good, strong childhood affirmation. But these voids do not negate me. As I sit and look out of my window I am surrounded by what God has provided despite what man or enemy has stolen. In the depths of me I have what I have always needed and all I have ever needed right here inside of me! With tears pouring from my swollen eyes praise be to you God! Now I will praise you!

PICK ME!

Dear Jesus,

Its me Ellie. The morning sunshine crests high in the clear blue canvassed skies, offering rays of warmth to another new winter day. People smile the busy streets, heading here and there, fragments of lingering conversations or peels of laughter tickle my ears as they pass.  Traffic unwillingly allows me in as every one seem to be in a hurry and I just want to change lanes. I look at the people in their dazed state and pray in the Spirit .."How are you?" or "Good morning!" flows from my lips in hopes that God will bless them just because his daughter who loves him so much asks. I asked God this morning do you honor such prayers that those who see my face each and every day can be blessed if I would but just lift them up to you? Oh that you would get my attentuion God and perhaps cause me to glance at those who need my prayers most and let not pity reflect within me but let the illuminating eyes of your light sweet Jesus be what they see. I wonder ... for just a moment ... had an passer byers now or in my past ever said a prayer for me? A question I can ask when I see you father ... and answer that I would delight in hearing utter from your lips. Your daughter who enjoyed this morning and this afternoon  with you. 

I so look forward to our date tonight. Just you and me in a time of intimacy .. I love you Jesus and always you are close to my heart and fresh on my mind!


Sincerely, a daughter of a King

Made no distinction between us

Have you ever ached for someone. I mean an ache that makes you sad and you cry and hope they will eventually find what you know that they need. Right now I ache for me and my restlessness is in hope that I get it. I am aching for better understanding and I ache that God would give me distinction between what I should be thinking about and what I should be weeding out of my life. If you have read or scanned myspace at all you will know rather quickly that I love roses. I adorn my bedroom with roses and myspace because it is a representation of intimacy with myself and my precious savior. It is a peek into the fold of a flower and her imperfections and the son reaches into its petals ..often reaching deep places of pain. I read the words, "shit wrapped in rose petals is still shit." This came from a person I had believed loved the Lord and though when sincerely observing her I knew her to be broken I also know broken people break without trying. So I removed myself from that relationship because her judgment was harsh and her counsel unloving. It lacked the environment in which I a have so often blogged about that we need to blossom. There is so much I could say on this subject and know this before I committed any words on this subject I prayed for weeks about it and I write not what my immediate reaction was when I read it but in fact the outcome of what I learned after taking it to God. How precious and how sweet is God for paralleling things for my hearts understanding and that he does it in such a divine way. Oh praise you God and only you that you could take that I could take such a unloving statement from a person who is broken and turn it into such a blessing to me. But not just a blessing but also wisdom that pours into the folds of a life that he would choose for me. God desires to mend all as he so desires to mend you and I.

When I took this to God he gave me a scripture that caused my head to tilt, an expression of confusion came over my face and an articulate hugh? …left my lips. There was not an immediate understanding of why this scripture or what his response was to my private question. The question will remain private for it is not important in this message. What is important is I was trying to place me and my quiet reaction into the hands of God in whom I have trusted fully. Much more precious things then this matter has been given to God and I have yet to see him leave me without some understanding. Apparently this was one of those times that my time and effort would be required. This was not going to come easy.

The scripture you ask? Mark 12:1-9 A man planted a vineyard and set a hedge around it, dug a place for the wine vat and built a tower. And he leased it to a vinedressers and went into a far country. Now at vintage time he sent a servant to the vinedressers. That he might receive some of the fruit of the vineyard from the vinedressers. And they took him and beat and sent him away empty handed. Again he sent them another servant, and at him they threw stones, wounded him in the head, and sent him away shamefully treated. And again he sent another. And they killed; and many others, beating some and killing some. Therefore still having one son, his beloved, he also sent him to them last, saying, They will respect my son." But those vinedressers said among themselves, "This is the heir. Come let us kill him, and the inheritance will be ours." So they took him and killed him and cast him out of the vineyard. Therefore what will the owner of the vineyard do? Who does such an inheritance belong to.

To present such an introduction into Gods heart for me and into-me-see what my God does when I take such questions to him rather then run off and react to this world. No longer is my mind on the reasons this person would make such a crass statement but rather I was in a full blooming study of Gods heart for me and why he chose this scripture. In my study my heart grew and my mind often praised him as I weeded through my wrong thinking, reactions and defenses and saw what he would have me to see. Tears fill my eyes as I vulnerably set before you my sting and Gods journey through my heart. I read indispensable resources that God has provided for me and dug into the cultural background of these verses. I learned that Jesus was and still does address those who fancy themselves better then, reminding them that they are merely custodians appointed by God over his vineyard. Like the shepherds of Jeremiah 23 and Ezekiel 34.

What excitement grew as I studied the scripture and scanned through different books that made mention of this scripture and its meaning. How is it that God within days of a question extends my hand to pick up a book that reveals this exact scripture and revelation after revelation comes to my hungry heart. How does he within minutes help my eyes to skip pages and go directly to a part of a book that should have taken weeks to find if only I knew I was looking and help me to study in depth a subject that would normally find me overwhelmed and intimidated. Jesus describes a normal way to prepare a vineyard, but in this study he alludes to Isaiah 5:1-2, where Israel is the vineyard. Landowners always had power, socially and legally, to enforce their will on the tenants; Here the tenants act as if they are the ones with power … somehow superior to you and I, and they exploit it mercilessly. Their behavior fits the Jewish tradition that Israel martyred many of the prophets God sent. In the light of 1:11 and 9:7, the beloved son represented Jesus and it is probable, alluding to Genesis 22:2.

Years ago I remember God giving me a word asking would you have picked the twelve desciples that God had picked? The tax collector? The fisherman? He continued in that prophetic word that those that he did choose were carefully wrapped with a scarlet red ribbon … a dozen red roses that would appoint and summon and transform from mere budding students to full bloomed messengers. He even granted the authority to act on his behalf. How amazing is that …  that we could participate in something so divine, so carefully planned and so full of purpose and direction for us … us who is so seemingly lost at times.

 So in summary of my study I heard from my father that even though I am one of his in this garden I am merely a tenant. He prepares me in this garden and if I am a rose surrounded by dung then this dung will be what he uses to fertilize my growth. He is weeding, watering and has sufficiently provided the Son! In this I must remember that I am only a tenant and I dare not assume any power or exploit what he gives me mercilessly. So as I study and come to know the intimacy God reveals to my heart … tears flow and its origin is out of repentance of pride, revenge and un-forgiveness and it does not point at the heart of a broken person who wrote harsh words but rather it draws out of me His work and a dozen in whom he chose in accordance with the structure of redemptive history and its goal, the creation of the community of God and again another scripture is given right here at this moment. Acts 15:8-9. I read how the gentile converts were being fiercely criticized. These words say to me Ellie, "God, who knows the heart," acknowledged them by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as He did to us, and made no distinction between us and them, purifying their hearts by faith. So with tears in my eyes what God has done here to me through a circumstance that I brought to Him, questions that followed … time and effort and prayer that were laid before my master and yes even tears. Realizing then that who are Christian and who have been given the Holy Spirit will be purified. Circumstances may blur any lines of distinction but God will reveal to me my faith and yes he will reveal to me your faith as well! Blessed be the name of our God that we may someday stand before him and know that he has given the measure of faith he intended for each and every one of us! Blesses am I that I go to him with my troubles and he gives me … ME!  

My children were with their daddy for the last three weeks because business has been crazy but also because I will have them the entire month of March because their daddy will be out of town. There was some tension on Sunday and I talked to both Brandon and Stephanie on some matters of my heart and our home. Stephanie later would ask me what was wrong with me and I said please Stephanie I can't do this right now I am about to head out and I can't get upset right now. When I came home the entire house was cleaned by my daughter. She cleaned my bathroom, kitchen, living room etc. She even cleaned my bedroom and folded my pajamas neatly and laid it out on my bed. On my pillow was this note in part ...

Dear Mom,

I love you so much. I miss how much we used to talk, and that i could tell you anything. I hate not knowing what your feeling, because your so tough sometimes, and I can't even tell that your hurting ...Lately I have been realizing how much I need to turn my life around. I want to start caring about everything and really thinking about my choices ..even the small ones, like what to eat, or what to wear. I want to be able to do things, without being told to only doing them, because they'll make someone happy. I want to be a hard worker in work and school. I want to care about my grades, and except nothing under an A. I want to eat right and work out, for me and no one else. I want to become closer to God then ever before, and experience things I have never expereienced. I want to forgive and forget. I want to remake new friends, the kind of friend that wont leave me in a second to become popular or do something more fun, but the kind of friends that would do absolutely anything for me, not because they have to, but because id do the same for them. I want respect for myself (by myself and others) i want trust ..the trust of my parents. I guess that just about wraps it up, but finally I want to let you know how much I love you. Id like to spend more time with you even if its just watching a movie or playing a board game. I want to be able to talk to you again. I want you to know my every little secret. Over all I want to be perfect in Gods eyes. I want to be a daughter that you and dad can be proud of, not because i have to, but because i want to. I love you with all of my heart.

Stephanie

P.s. these may be simple words, im not the best writer, but its sincere

_____________________________________________________________

I read this letter and tears come ... when given the opportunity to share with her my heart I will tell her ...you and I are not so different my precious daughter. Much of what you said in your letter I say to God. Oh that we could make him proud and so often we fail the smallest tests. Oh if i could be half of what I hope to be for God I would be content. If I could be for her, Brandon and Nicole what they need always I would. Sometimes the only credit I get is to have given them the gift that keeps giving Jesus. The Perfect One who can do all things in her. Oh if I could just show her the mirror image of my daughter and myself and say little girl sometimes I feel like I am in  kindergarden on my first day. Scared unsure. The difference is so often people see me as a warrior ..when the warrior is a child. So to all of us who sincerely desire that we could be better and do better ... the heart of the matter is the desire of our heart is noted by God and considered be the one thing about us that causes him to say things like I am enamored by you sweet child and I love you so!

One of my old favorite songs below was posted by myspace friend the words ...

The Warrior Is A Child

I woke up this morning and as my eyes open to focus and I felt this intense emotion like crying. I wasn't even awake enough to process why I was feeling this way. I dragged my feet into the kitchen for my first cup of coffee and the first things out of my mouth were ... ok Jesus I need you to meet me here. What is this I am feeling? I poured my coffee and walked back into my bedroom and just sat at the end of the bed sipping and enjoying the first cup. Enjoying a cup in His name I smiled trying to distract me from the emotions I was feeling. In case your wondering it didnt work. So here I am processing my emotions.

I have often blogged about the "one" that God has chosen for me. It is my firm belief that when I was still in my mothers womb He determined who he was and what he needed. I must seem to obsessive on this at times to you but it is not the case. There is a longing for Gods purpose in my life and hunger pains that do not seem to go away because life is quick to remind me of my need and my childrens needs that are going unmet. At times it is ugly and I can hardly bare to think about what my children have lacked and all the dreams and hopes of a mother that still have yet to play out. I have bad dreams alot about my trying to keep the children safe and often times I feel as if I am stiving and seem to be getting no where. Last night was no different ... and as I processed I realized that this was the reason I was hit with emotions upon waking up. All these men around me and my children and none have gotten close enough to make a difference into the lives of my children. So I hope and pray and hunger for a companion that would make a difference. I see him as if I am looking at a banquet table full of food and I wonder when will he be revealed to the world as mine. I read this blog from myspace friend Angela and I cried. I cried because that is often how I feel. Waitng for our name to be called ... A few times in the past week I have been so impatient that I thought I am going to date ..I am not going to wait anymore ... as you can see aftre you read this I am back to dealing with my hunger pains and listening to hte reality of my children and their hunger ... wondering if our reservations are almost ready? :)

"GOD SAYS, 'YOUR RESERVATIONS ARE ALMOST READY...'"

I WAS IN A RESTAURANT WAITING FOR OUR NAME TO BE CALLED.

We had been waiting quite a while, but the restaurant was an old favorite, so we used our time to fellowship.

Then I saw one man become very agitated for having to wait so long. He went up to the hostess and gave his name again. She checked the reservation book, telling him he would be seated as soon as a table was available. The hostess then called another party's name and they were seated. Because the man thought someone was being seated ahead of him (which wasn't the case), the man got visibly angry, shouted something to the hostess, and stormed out with his wife and children.

Five minutes later, the manager of the restaurant came up to the front desk (not knowing what had happened), looked at the reservation book, and called the man's name, saying, "YOUR RESERVATION IS READY..." But, he was gone! He had waited for over an hour for that table. All he had to do was wait five more minutes and he would have been seated--ordering his meal.

When we pray and ask God to do something, it's like making a reservation on one of God's promises (2 Corinthians 1:20) and often, there is a time of waiting, "I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in His word do I hope." (Psalm 130:5)

God Says: "BE PATIENT, YOUR RESERVATION WILL BE CALLED."

God says, "For many in the Church today, there is a heaviness, almost as if you are carrying an invisible weight of oppression, and you can find no one to comfort you (Psalm 69:20). People have been waiting for their prayers to be answered, but with no hope on the horizon, so they have fallen into a spiritual rut of despair. Joy and laughter seems to come rarely and then easily slips away. They feel all alone (Psalm 142:4),and just to get a grip on life is difficult. Some have to press hard just to make it through the day...and then look forward to when it ends."

"This is the My word to you: 'I have your reservation...so rest and wait just a little while." (Psalm 37: 7-11; Matthew 11:28-30)

God Says: "BE PREPARED, I COULD CALL YOUR NAME TODAY, SO DON'T STOP WAITING ON ME."

"So many of My people are on the verge of giving up (2 Timothy 4:10). Do not listen to the enemy; the voice speaking of defeat and failure is his, not Mine. That voice that says, 'There is no way out,' is the devil's voice, not Mine. My timing is always right. I am never late or too early (Romans 8:28). Keep your eyes on Me and your heart steady. Do not look back...I am not there (Luke 9:62), I am in front of you."

God says, "You cannot expect to be called for a blessing if you don't anticipate it (Hebrews 11:1). If you are poor, start rejoicing as if you were a millionaire...look up, not down! If you feel discouraged, rejoice by faith (Philippians 4:4). Everyone has setbacks, but only the righteous refuse to camp in the land of defeat (Proverbs 24:16). Your time is coming; the question is: are you cultivating a sense of expectation (Luke 3:15) or gloom? Be ready in season and out of season to receive blessing. Always be ready."

God Says: "BE POSITIONED, STAND ON MY WORD...NOT ON WHAT YOU SEE OR FEEL...I ANSWER FAITH, NOT FEAR."

God says, "I advise you to look for a good word, '...a good word makes the heart glad' (Proverbs 12:25b). You find a good word in My scriptures, but also in My people. Many of you know other brethren who are positive and uplifting. Call them. Don't be a loner. My Son said, 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but by every word that comes the mouth of God' (Matthew 4:4). Often My word (of encouragement) is spoken through My vessels...your brothers and sisters. Jesus said, 'My Words are spirit and they are life' (John 6:63). Feeding on My Spirit by consulting with others will cause you to see your problem from a different perspective. Others have been in the same predicament you now find yourself in" (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

"Be positioned for My blessing and trust Me (Proverbs 16:20), not your feelings; trust My promises and you will see My hand about to move. What do you do while you are positioning yourself to receive…worry and complain? No. Walk in integrity and uprightness (Psalm 25:21) going about the business of My Kingdom. Don't get frustrated and walk out now just when things are about to change."

"So, child of Mine, get up and start looking for someone that you can bless. In the meantime, I'll be working on your problem...."

"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD." (Psalm 27:14)


Al and Sherry Thomas
Celebrating His Life Ministries
www.celebratinghislife.org
email: a.thomas@myactv.net

With every morning I have to make a decision. My life afresh breaking into many decisions. My heart hurts and I am trying to deal with the complexity of its dynamics. I am trying to not shove aside all of what I feel aside in order to just blend in with every one else and not stand out or be noticed. Billowing around me is lifes circumstances, honest dreams, playfullness, a child like that stands with her arms raised and saying what about me God? What about me? Eager to net my heart before it awakes and reminds me what I am missing. Yet knowing the contents are unmanagable and oppressing them back is getting harder and harder. I read the words of a woman who needs ... always...she needs him. She needs him to help her somehow, someway ...she needs him to help her with her kids...the child who screams in dire need for male leadership, support, kindness, and guidance and the mother who knows she is unable to provide this... I am strong God ... I am courageous ... I have fought the good fight ... I isolated myself for his sake .. I kept him inside of me even though the world knew not he existed ... I am tired and I cannot read words of a mans desires ... hopes ... and not loose my strength to hold on .... where is the life we have lost in living? Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? Where is my dream that I lost while sleeping? Where is my strength that I lost while fighting? Where am I Lord in this story?